Looking forward to 2011 pt. 1

I find it hard, at times, to find my voice. You know that feeling, when you're with a new group of people, and a comment occurs to you and you bite it back, in case they don't find it funny (or do when it wasn't meant to be)? I know that feeling well enough, online and off. Usually, I say it anyway, because you've got to be yourself, don't you? But sometimes, shyness and self-protectiveness wins, and I bite my tongue. Then I feel horrid and awkward and then it gets even harder.

In this blogging, tweeting, flickring, tumblring world, we put ourselves out there again and again. And we find inspiration and connection, even, sometimes a little audience for our wit and wisdom and our own particular talent. And sometimes we don't.

I don't find everyone funny. I don't like all the artwork that I see. And (gasp!) I don't like everyone I meet. It's supposed to be that way. You can still have tolerance and respect, while accepting that we are all different and we all have different tastes.

We aren't in Junior High School anymore. The internet is not a competition. We can be cool, and pretty, and clever, and talented. But we are probably not the coolest, the prettiest, the most clever or the most talented. And that's okay. 

I know that. I do. But still. I find it hard at times to find my voice.

Just one word

I know I have used this idea before, but I can't find any mention of it on my blog with a cursory search and I can't get at my journals right now, so I'm not sure which word came when, but those that spring to mind are create, connect and authentic. I started in 2007 or 2008, and I seem to recall in 2009 I kept switching words! 2010 was a bit of a struggle and I didn't have a word; maybe it was a struggle because I didn't have a word!

I really love the new year and all the potential it brings. I don't really believe in resolutions, the way that they are usually done, anyway. I have often used a book called "Best Year Yet" (UK/US) for doing a serious life review, and that has worked well for me over the years, even when all I had was a ripped out magazine page that summarised the process. It is terribly useful and offers a systematic way to choose meaningful goals and stick to them. 

I find the one word idea more spiritual. My word has stayed with me through the year (or the first half of the year anyway!) resonating through my mind at the most useful times. So I'm reflecting this week, waiting for my word for 2011 to rise.

I might take an afternoon in January and work through the Best Year Yet, but I definitely want a word. Ali Edwards has had a great idea over at Big Picture Classes - she's running a class based on taking your word for the year, and using it as a focus to build an album that will in turn increase your focus on your word. So this week I will breathe and listen and wait for my word.