Mindful of the Overwhelm

This week has been our first week at home in the new year. Back to work, back to college, all the daily responsibilities are back on our shoulders. There are several good habits I want to maintain faithfully, starting the year as I mean to go on. There are several creative classes and projects that I have going on.

As the mister and I headed out to see Billy Connolly on Wednesday evening, I was chattering away as we trudged along the slushy pavements to the bus stops. I was chatting about the things that I am committed to at the moment. My usage of commitment here refers to things that I am doing, at least in my mind, things that if I heard them mentioned, I would say "oh yes, I'm doing that at the moment." These aren't resolutions, or necessarily financial or official commitments, just things that I have decided on.

It turned out to be a significant conversation. Firstly, it made me realise how much I had taken on. Then, in the days following, I continued to mull over these things and reach three conclusions:

• I have to say no to anything new until some of these have cleared
• I may have to sacrifice some of these
• I will be able to use my time and effort wisely if I focus on these

My friends and family will know that I rarely properly account for all my commitments and regularly take too much on, so this whole process is a revelation.

I've gone all Rimmer on this one and made myself a chart. It lists all my commitments and states the minimum needed for each one in a week. There are columns for the days of the week. The plan is to try and choose three things a day to make progress on these commitments, while being mindful of the weekly requirement for each. So for example, I am very enthusiastic about the Japanese at the moment, so could easily overdo it on this while neglecting something that I find less fun; once I've met the weekly minimum, I set this aside until next week. I realise that this is a little extreme, but with my history and my difficulties with prioritising and time management, I think it will be helpful.

Are you already overwhelmed this year? How do you manage your commitments? 

Mindful: Zone Out

We are surrounded by reminders to live in the 'now', to dwell in the present, and we instinctively feel that this is right and true, but it is hard. We live in a world that encourages us to feel dissatisfied with what we have and what we are, that encourages us to lay blame on others for what happens to us, and to keep speeding along, multitasking at all times.

Stop. Breathe. Look around.

I know that living at this speed encourages disconnect and zoning out. One of my bad habits is to watch recorded tv shows while I'm doing something else. I record things, so that I can make deliberate choices and have control over my viewing, rather than being at the mercy of the programmers. I know that I multitask in this way because there is so much that I want to do that I don't want to waste time, but this way I don't follow the story well, and depending on the task I'm engaged in, that suffers too. If it was worth recording, it's worth watching. One or the other. If I don't have time to watch it, there is no need. On the other hand if watching a favourite show for 45 minutes gives me some happy downtime, I should embrace that. 

A friend and I frequently check in with how we are doing with mindful listening. A lot of our time together is spent hanging out. In our case that often means parallel activity, threaded through with conversation. So far so good, in fact that often the best way to have a good conversation with a teenager or a man, the experts tell us. However, it is hard to hear your friend confessing her doubts about her career path, if you are watching tv, checking email and IMing two friends while you talk to her. Or looking at your fringe (bangs for the North American crowd) and quietly zoning out during the conversation. Which happened. And that time, it was her, not me. That time.

My husband and I are learning about my listening powers. He needs to remember that if he can hear me typing, he shouldn't dive straight in with the big stuff, he should get my attention first. I need to remember that if I can hear him speaking to me, I should stop typing!

I aim to watch for that zoning out feeling as a sign. What needs to change? Am I trying to do too much at once? Am I pressed for time and fretting about the next thing? Or do I just need to take a breath and bring myself back to the moment at hand?

See more prompts and other people's take on them at The Mindfulist.

Mindful: Relaxation

Today on the Mindfulist:

“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.”

- Chinese proverb

When I read that, my soul shouted "Yes." Then I thought, "Wait. What does that mean? Am I reading it correctly? What does it mean to me?" Then I stopped ranting and rambling and focused. Ah, focus - a close second for my word of the year and much needed it is too.

Just reading the words "relaxation is who you are" felt like a deep breath to me, and that was what I responded to first. Looking at it again, what triggered my little stream of questions was the fact that relaxation is another area in which I judge myself. "Am I relaxed enough? What can't I relax? Man, I suck at relaxation."

That, right there, is the key. "Tension is who you think you should be." I'm fairly easy going, and I like that about myself. When I'm fretting about something though, I feel I should be more mellow about it. As I reflect upon it, every example I find is something where I feel I should be this, that or the other.

When we are fully present and dealing with what is here and now, we are relaxed, even in crisis. It is only when we start to stress out over imagined disastrous scenarios that the tension creeps in. What a gift to know that relaxation is what we are.

Breath, let go, be who you are.